Wednesday, March 21, 2007
When I lose my mind, will I know it?
So much has happened and changed since my last post. I feel guilty because I'll never be able to capture the raw emotions of the past several months. Probably best not to. My son could not handle life after the recovery program with its boredom and working long hours and rules of living. The pull to reconnect with old friends quickly overcame everything he learned about self control. He left home in mid November taking only some clothes and our truck. He showed up on Thanksgiving unannounced at Grandma's house in North Carolina, shocking us all, but faking out the relatives. Christmas Day was a repeat of weirdness, but we barely said hello and stayed in separate rooms. Before he left in November, he had quit his job and school, but deceived us. We didn't know where he was or what he was doing for many weeks. But when the police from a neighboring town showed up on January 4, 2007 our life was forever changed. It seems he and 3 other boys had been on a crime spree in December that covered 4 counties, at least 4 golf courses, dozens of cars. Property damage, vandalism, theft, entering autos, burglary are the main charges. I've learned so much about the criminal justice system. I am of the opinion that he simply doesn't have a conscience. We didn't speak to him until we all cooled down and just last week had our first conversation. A few letters back and forth set the stage and I visited him in jail on 3-18-07. He turned 19 on March 10. There are so many charges from so many places that I had to put it on an excel spreadsheet. I've finally gotten used to the idea I will have a son in prison. I live in a prison with invisible walls. We have no idea how many years he will be sentenced. It will take several years just to get through 4 counties court systems. He is already impatient. I'll write later about how this has affected my life in mostly negative ways.